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Am I The Narcissist? A Take A Look At Inverted Narcissism

Am I The Narcissist? A Take A Look At Inverted Narcissism

In my work with victims of narcissistic abuse I'm more usually than not asked the same question: "How do I know I'm not the Narcissist?"

Once I requested my own therapist this question so many years ago she answered "If you had been the narcissist you wouldn't be asking that question, because narcissist's won't see that the issue is with them." They're too busy projecting the problems onto those around them.

However our personal narcissism is a matter value exploring in more detail. For instance: Why can we ask that question to start with. What is it that makes us really feel we are the narcissist test?

In speaking to a client in the present day I had an enormous realization. She was telling me how she was always upset in her earlier boyfriends or partners. They just didn't measure up to her expectations. As we dug a bit of deeper she defined how she has wavered between feelings of superiority and feelings of inferiority. She has built her personal phantasm or idea of who she was which in her personal reality placed herself upon a pedestal. So in a sense she was doing the identical thing a narcissistic personality would do. She sheltered herself from her feelings of inferiority by inserting herself upon a pedestal. That pedestal created a false confidence.

So when the narcissistic personality comes into her life her false confidence is initially mirrored by the narcissist who displays to her the image worthy of the pedestal she has placed herself upon. But because the relationship progresses her emotions of inferiority are triggered as he projects his personal inferiority upon her. Now she is experiencing the feeling of getting her mate disillusioned in her inadequacy just as she has been disenchanted in previous companions for his or her inadequacy.

What's the difference than between the narcissistic companion and the one who feels abused? Compassion and Empathy! The client I used to be talking to at the moment, identified with her partners feelings of superiority and likewise with his feelings of inadequacy. She had empathy for him. She didn't wish to see him hurt because she knows how painful it is to expertise those same sorts of feelings. A pathological narcissist might give a rip about his companions harm feelings. He is solely involved with himself and his own needs.

The inverted narcissist, as Sam Vaknin calls it, is the proper match for the pathological narcissist. Because when their false selves meet, the illusion of who they believe themselves to be is strengthened to a degree where it could feel like Cinderella assembly her prince who takes her out of her hell gap, where she is made to wear rags and sweep ashes all day. Instantly she is swept off her toes, she fits the glass slipper perfectly, and is carried off to the Castle adorned with lovely robes and riches match for the queen she is.

Perhaps in this fairy story, Cinderella at all times fantasized herself to be a queen, but she lived the reality of being an ash maiden. She was ridiculed and condemned by these round her and made to really feel unworthy of the great things in life. However she would show them someday. She would show them she was really a queen.

For those of us who come from painful childhoods the place we had been in some way made to feel inferior, we will easily create fantasy worlds the place we escape into never by no means land. We imagine ourselves as fairy princesses and that imagine our prince riding up on a white horse and sweeping us off our ft, carrying us from our humble reality to an amazing castle the place we're treated as a queen should be treated.

Within the psychic realm the psychosis of the pathological narcissist is a great match for the fantasy world of the inverted narcissist. Because on the earth of make believe an awesome fantasy is created the place the King and the Queen of by no means never land get together and trip off into the sunset. It is such a phenomenal love story, in the beginning.

But all glass slippers eventually break and so do the glass houses the "perfect" couple reside in. There love shouldn't be built on anything real, however somewhat an phantasm of perfection created by each parties. She is saying "be my prince" and he is saying "be my queen." But once they settle into the Castle the true selves begin to emerge. The feelings of inferiority begin to surface. Both companions do not really want to be found out, less they threat losing their standing upon that pedestal. "What if she finds out I am really a frog?" He might think. And she might surprise "what if he is aware of the reality of me, that I am only an ash sweeper?"
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